You hear the whispers and you see the quick looks in the hallway - breakups suck, there’s no getting around that, but this will get better. You’re currently going through a crimped hair phase, and to be honest I love it. I haven’t been able to recreate it since 2009. You’re growing into your looks now, thankfully the braces are gone and the acne is clearing up. A few are noticing, I caution you to take it lightly. Remain kind, patient and open to everyone.
I also know you’re choosing to run to the library instead of lunch for reasons I won’t bring up right now, but we both know. I promise this will pass.
I know you’re wondering who the heck I am. I carry myself with a bit more confidence, and I hold my head a little higher. I want to let you know that you will get through every single bad day that’s thrown your way—I am proof of that. I know I may look a little older compared to you, but it’s still me, and I’m still very young with a lot to learn. I have just experienced a few more heartbreaks, lessons learned and late nights out.
I’m you at 30, and I have a few things I’d like to share:
You will learn that you can’t control the opinions others will have of you, and more importantly, you make peace with that.
So stop making everything about yourself. Please!
Karma exists.
You’re going to get into TCU, and finding out will be one of the most incredible moments thus far. You’re going to receive your acceptance email during 7th period, I’m so sorry I just couldn’t wait, I know it has been eating away at you!
And then halfway to Texas, on a long stretch of dusty I-30, you’ll ask dad if he can turn the car around and let you go back home. He pulls over, stops the car, and will say yes, but please keep. going. This is a good time to say: feel the fear, but do it anyway. Sometimes you’re going to have to do things afraid, and that’s when you feel your strength.
You will eventually find all your people and they’re going to love everything about you—even when you call them crying over a lonely stranger you see in Central Market. Or when you see a mouse get run over on the highway. They value and adore your sensitive heart.
You have yet to meet some of the kindest souls you’ll ever have the pleasure of knowing.
Heartbreak never gets easier (spoiler: you get stronger and wiser thought).
On the topic of heartbreak, I know you’re dealing with the end of a relationship right now, but the best is yet to come. You’ve got a lot more love left in you and a lot more to experience. Don’t let this one keep you down for too long, though I know that’s easier said than done.
Eventually you’ll find the strength to leave a difficult relationship. It will mean the world to you, but you will see it for what it is in time.
Everyone has a past, and we all grieve very differently. Be respectful of how those around you choose to carry their pain. You cope by isolating yourself, you must be mindful of this.
Check up on your friends daily and give them your time when they’re having a bad day. They will give you their time when you need it most.
Jealousy never looked good on anyone, even when its dressed in new Madewell jeans and a spray tan.
Listen when Granny Franny speaks. Cherish every moment you spend with her, she loves you a lot—you are her namesake after all. A few years from now, she will start visiting you in your dreams. I cant explain it, believe me I’ve wracked my brain trying, but all I can think is that she can sense when you’re going through a hard time. This is when she always appears for you. Uncle Arnie too.
On the topic of pain, it is different for everyone and I think it’s important we talk about it now. Remember when I said we all cope and grieve differently? This is true and you’ll see this when your friends go through their own hardships. The best way for me to describe what pain feels like for us is that time moves slowly, and it hurts. Colors lose their vibrancy, and there’s a constant tug in your heart that leaves you feeling heavy and tired, like all the time. Sunshine hurts too. When you’re going through it, you’ll find comfort at night, the heaviness subsides then for whatever reason. It will feel like you’re in really deep, but if you let yourself experience these emotions, you will come out on the other side.
It is brave to feel—lots of people don’t, and because of this they remain stuck. Time will pick back up, you’ll sing along to your favorite songs, and color will return to your world. One thing I know to be true, pain may visit, but she never stays.
You do feel things deeply, and there is nothing wrong with that. You will get better at managing this as you grow.
Your nights and weekends are still filled with dancing right now. Please don’t ever quit, even in the face of rejection.
You finally try out to be a Chiefs Cheerleader. You tell dad on the phone that tryouts have been on your mind, and they are only a few weeks away. You are scared and unsure, but now’s the time—you can feel it in your bones. Upon hanging up with him, he has purchased a plane ticket back home for you and it’s sitting in your inbox. Now’s your chance to get back up and try again.
You will hide your creativity because you want to appear cool and because you want the cute boy at Dodie’s to like you. But I encourage you to live in your truth, the right people won’t judge you for your quirks. The wrong ones will. (spoiler: He’s one of the wrong ones).
Let things be simply what they are, not what you fantasized they could be in that imaginative brain of yours. This can save you from lots of unnecessary heartbreak.
You can do insanely hard things! Be prepared to surprise yourself.
You view the world with so much optimism. You know that no matter how bad things can seem in the moment, it’s incredible how quickly they can turn around. So please, never give up. On yourself. On your family or friends. On the pure goodness in people.
More often than not, you don’t need that last glass of wine. I’m sorry.
Listen to mom, don’t dye your hair.
Katie once told you to be the nice girl when you asked for high school advice. You laughed when she said it, you were on an evening jog in your neighborhood. I remember the sun was setting over the Leawood South golf course, the golden yellows were brushing over your skin and hers. But all that was on your mind at that point was being the popular girl, however what your sister said that evening is going to stick with you for the rest of your life. Please, always be the nice girl. The world needs a lot more kindness.
Embrace the confusion in whatever happens! We will get hit with lots of change for the next ten years and so far, things have always panned out—though it will be difficult to see in the thick of it.
Some friends and acquaintances will paint you as the bad guy in their story, and they won’t be wrong. Some will.
Love people for who they already are.
You’re going to mess up a lot in your early twenties, so be gentle with yourself when you do stumble, in life and literally out of the bar. It happens a lot after college. You’re going through your first real heartbreak and that new taste of pain can make you do things you normally wouldn’t, but it will be okay. You’ll find all your friends are just trying to keep their heads above water too, and adjusting to life in your twenties is a lot more easier with your people. Lean on each other.
One day you will wake up and it won’t hurt anymore. This is when you’ll be done.
You are stubborn. And your friends unfaltering patience and kindness with you deserves to be celebrated.
Some are going to leave you, and this will be a very humbling pill to swallow. All this means is that they were never meant for you. You learn how to move on and truly love yourself in the process—which is a much greater reward than a finicky heart if you ask me.
Let whoever think whatever.
Popularity is fleeting, being a good person with a kind heart is not.
People will always show you who they are. What you decide to do with that realization is up to you.
Rest assured, the sun always sets on a bad day.
Don’t believe everything you tell yourself. You are your harshest critic ;)
When life hits you right between the eyes grab your heated blanket and throw on Can’t Hardly Wait. Or Snow Day. Any 90’s or early 2000s movie really. Oh! And always order pizza with an extra side of ranch.
Work on your handshake, it’s flimsy.
Call mom on your lunch breaks. She loves to hear from you, especially when you need advice.
Don’t let difficult experiences steal your softness.
You will be proud of the person you’ve become and how much you’ve fought through to become her.
Most importantly, I love you. It’s going to be a rough, beautiful and magical ride—and we’re going to get through all of it together—you’re always going to have me. Check back in 10 years (maybe we’ll have our Oscar by then)!